For Private Party Only

This entry is going to be a little different from the previous ones because I do not have any idea where this is going to end. I don't mean distance wise, my last comment elicited a comment about its length so I plan on avoiding that, if I can. No, what I mean is I don't where this one is going because I have yet to figure it out. As I often do, in formats outside of this blog, I write about my issues and usually that helps me realize a solution. I am hoping for this. 

The picture won't need explaining once you continue through this entry.

My lack of privacy has often shocked individuals into discomfort. Some others think my transparency is admirable. I am a firm believer in being open and I am not afraid to tell anyone anything; in terms of being embarrassed by it. I will withhold information if it's going to harm me relationship wise or professionally, but never because I'm ashamed of it(Ding-Ding-Ding! I already feel more comfortable about the issue).

The problem I was referring to is the privacy of my co-worker. But she is more than that, because we are the only two in our office doing the same thing. So really, she's more of a partner than a coworker What started as a strong friendship, full of questions about personal life,opinions on work issues and venting about other people in our program has devolved into a very closed relationship with very minimal interaction. It is hard to make me uncomfortable, I have even believed it to be near impossible, but that has changed.

My partner, for whatever reason, started clamming up. It was minimal at first, deflecting questions about her personal life and such. That didn't bother me; that is her right( well all of this is, but it can become detrimental). But it started involving work as well, which bothered me a little more. If my partner is having work-related issues, I feel that it is important for me to know. I need to know where she stands because it directly affects what I do. She's closing off and leaving me feeling independent, completely separate from her. Now that's not always the case, when a task presents itself that requires both of us, she seamlessly collaborates. However, she often doesn't talk about it once it's finished. And if the task only concerns her, she definitely does not open up and share, leaving me completely in the dark.

Initially, out of respect to her, I was able to dismiss it as extreme privacy(picture). But it has gotten so bad that it is difficult to ignore. We sit a mere 6 or so feet from each other but talk for no more than 5 minutes in a 7 hour day. It's nearly unbearable for me, being a person who thrives on interaction and transparency. I really don't know what's wrong still, but I think I have found a possible way to cope with it.

People, well the rational ones, do everything for a reason. If you know me well, then that does not coincide whatsoever with my beliefs on religion, so I do not mean that in a fateful sense. I, despite the atrocities we as a species commit hourly, am a firm believer in the morality and good will of humans. I cannot deny there are misguided people who do not operate under that belief, but I believe she is one of the good ones. I must believe(blindly again) that she is quiet for a reason. I have suspicions on this reason, like she may be leaving for a new job, but it's not really important to know what it is exactly. I just want to know that one is there, and almost in a  way comparable to spirituality, I am simply choosing to believe.

This may serve as no consolation to you, unfortunately. I believe I have mentioned before human's never-wavering need to know. The phrase only refers to cats so only as to not scare children, but curiosity killed the man and woman. It is easy to obsess over why things are the way they are or why people do the things they do. If you're pondering why someone did something bad, then the curiosity might be a little stronger. But if it's something you can live without (like my partner's transparency) I will have to squelch the curiosity and accept her decision to be private. It's either that or speculate on her sanity, and that's not fair to her.

So if you can take anything from this, know the person with whom you are dealing. If they are a rational human-being, they are likely acting from a logical conclusion. If you have asked several times what it is they are doing, and it's someone who usually tells you but this time isn't, there probably is a reason for that. Try accepting it next time, and I bet the answer comes faster when you aren't obsessing over it. It's either that or your relationship will slowly perish from lack of interaction, but it's probably the first.

Okay this one is only 892 words, as opposed to the 1900-some in the last one. Hope that's better. Let me know, as I believe I opened this up to comments now that I discovered it wasn't before.

With Great Power...

I think it is nearly impossible to define anything. I think that Webster is just a facilitator of communication and we really all have our own definitions of everything based on what we have learned and experienced in our lives. Now we may all point to a dog and recognize it as "dog" but some have a connotation of fear that comes with it, while others may think loyalty, annoyance, burden, or playmate. But for conversation's sake, we don't say "So I saw a guy talking his pet-that-troubles-me-because-I-was-once-bitten-as-a-child-by-one on a walk," we just say "dog."

Now I could go on and on for hours, days even, about language and what it means for individuals, but I won't. Instead, I want to focus on a single word: leadership. The picture above will evoke different feelings from each person who looks at it concerning leadership and we may all try to define it based off one man's use of it. Was he a good leader? Or was he just effective? What makes a leader "a leader?" and so forth. As part of my job, my group discussed these kinds of things and part of the discussion was created from the reading of an excerpt about leadership. It said something to the effect of "the best leader is the one that people hardly know." It then continued to rank types of leaders, the last one being a leader who is despised by his/her followers. So according to that excerpt, I guess Hitler wasn't the best. It continued to say the very best leader is one who has followers, who once they have accomplished their goal, say"Amazing! We did it all by ourselves."

Just like with the dictionary, I don't think this excerpt it law, but it elicited interesting conversation amongst my peers and I want to reflect on it, give my own definition of it, how to become a great leader, or if that is even possible. 

What makes a great leader in my eyes. I think the excerpt was on to something by saying it doesn't require praise for their accomplishments. Let me explain why this resonates with me. I think the foremost key in becoming a good leader is to be passionate about something. I think to become an optimal leader, you must be as invested in attaining your goal as you can possibly be. Only then can your efforts be directed uninhibited towards that goal; something that will resonate with your followers. A true passion will burn like a fire inside you, and while you may be able to contain the flames, you will not be able to stifle the light being emitted. That light will shine on anyone with a similar passion and foster their own flame, which will lead them to create a similar goal in a personal way. Not to use the same example,but Hitler's goal was shared by many, not always through a contagious passion, but often through fear. The excerpt I mentioned before also characterized bad leaders by their use of fear, so I suppose I again agree with it. 

This overlaps a little with my story about Mark Walker, who said you can get paid anything if you do what you love (passion). I think anyone can lead someone else if it is something they love. 

But here's a unique aspect to this topic that makes the whole thing tricky. I'm going to operate on the assumption that the first statement in the excerpt I used is true; that the best leaders are the ones people hardly know and that make people feel like what they accomplished, they did themselves. If that is true, then how do we recognize the best leaders. If I were to ask you, you would probably start listing people that others do: politicians, activists, community organizers, maybe religious leaders. Now while I cannot debate the fact that some of these people are good leaders, it brings up the question "who is better than these?" because obviously people know these ones. It is unlikely that anyone would say that Martin Luther King Jr. wasn't a good leader, but operating under the excerpt, he's not the best. And because humans have this insatiable need to know everything, they'll likely search for a person to fill the role. For most people, that's the quandary with this belief. If we cannot find an answer for who is a better leader than MLK, then there must not be one. 

But get this; if you believe that is the case, then you are forgetting what it takes for the statement from the excerpt to hold true: the best are hardly known. So I guess for the statement to hold true, we as humans must embrace the fact that we may not ever know who the best leaders are. I personally don't think this should be too difficult, considering that blind faith is often the basis for piousness. I don't mean to offend religious people(I truly support their beliefs), but often when I ask why they believe, they say "I just do." And that's enough for them. And that's enough for me too. So it should be in this case. But if it's not, let me give you an example from my life.

I like to think I've turned out to be a pretty good guy. Tell that to my grandma, and she'll laugh at how much of an understatement she considers that. Tell that to some acquaintances with whom I have made bad impressions and they will laugh at how wrong that is. Regardless, I want to be able to discount those bad impressions as just that; impressions. In fact, I'll go as far in saying I'm pretty confident in saying that. This could go many different directions, mainly the nature vs. nurture argument, and that's where I will take it. Assuming I am a good guy, why is that so. What accounts for this over some you may consider bad? Well, when I encountered my first-quarter-life crisis at about 20-21, I sought the answer. For a long time I have been a firm believer in the nurture side of the argument; there's no such thing as a bad kid, that kind of thing. If that's true, then the environment I was raised in will account for why I am the way I am. 

(Disclaimer for my mom: Mom, I have a lot of you in me, everyone knows it, so don't take offense to this next part, but I do believe it is true. I love all four of my parents equally, but fact of the matter is, some of them were around more than others. While this means they have affected me more, it in no way means I love a particular one more than the other)

 

So where was I raised? At my dad's house, but not under his supervision. In my developmental years(3-14 or so) I spent the most face time with my stepmom Terry(or Terriberri as I lovingly call her). She was around for most of the time while I only saw my mom on weekends and my dad later at night. If I choose to believe that environment is the biggest factor in determining who a child becomes, then logically, Terry is the biggest factor in my life. So amidst this crisis, I arrive at this conclusion, and nearly laugh. 

The relationship between Terry and I had been anything but stable for most of my life. I rebelled against at every chance I got, refusing to accept her as a mother and in turn refusing to follow her orders. I hated the way she ran things and "turned my dad against me," I hated how she wanted to be my mom when my biological one was still very much in my life. I hated how I had to do my own laundry and pack my own lunch and check in at home every couple hours if I went out. I even said I hated her, and I think at times I meant it. That's fine though, I've grown since then. And for several years now, probably when I was 16-17, I grew to accept how she ran things(took long enough, right) and we started to get along much better. We still have our arguments, don't get me wrong, but we are more than functional together. 

But when I arrived at that conclusion, it hit me, I think Terry is the biggest factor. That's why I'm so independent, but even more than that- I'm self sufficient. I don't always just do things on my own because I don't like help, I do them because I know I am capable and want to learn. She taught me that. Also, I think this patience comes that I mention in my blog description is another factor I got from her. She put up with some ridiculous things from me(hell, I spat in her shoe when I was about 5). Most girlfriends draw the line there. But Terry didn't. I also have this thing where if you get in my circle, I will love you unconditionally and do anything for you. I believe there are several people in my life that are this way, but I know Terry is, and again, because of the face time, I think I get a major part of that from her.

But how does this tie into my ramblings about leadership? I'll tell you. When I discovered this, I thought how nice it would be for her to hear what she meant to me; that she was the biggest factor in the life of a person many people are proud of(it's not bragging if those compliments come from family), so I resolved to tell her. I remember saying it too: "Terry, I just thought you should know, that you are probably the biggest influence in my life and what I am doing is possible because of the lessons you taught me." Awww.....

You know her reaction? "That's sweet, Jeremy, and I appreciate it, but that's not true. There are lots of other people who have done more."

So, after all of these years of outright hatred and lack of recognition, when I rustle up the most heartfelt, Hallmark-inspired line I could think of, she defers the recognition to others. You're effing kidding me, right? That's a good leader.

So, to return to my claim, that the best leaders are the ones that are hardly known, there is an example. She didn't seek recognition, or even want it. And the second part of it is true too, despite all that I told you. While I think she did influence me, it was me who has accomplished all that I have done. I don't think Terry did everything for me, so it is me saying "Amazing! I did it, all by myself." But I do acknowledge her influence.

What can you take from this one, this long, scatterbrained rant that may lack focus? If you want to be a leader, stop trying to be one. Find your passion and pursue. Hone your skills and don't hide them. Let them be known and let it inspire those with similar goals. You never know, one day your quiet determination to accomplishment a goal or fulfill a passion may result in others doing the same. You wanna know the best part? When several people around you start accomplishing that similar goal and think they did it. That's when you will know you're a good leader.

What Is Love?

Oh Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more. You older folk probably need no introduction, and maybe some of you younger folk don't either, but this picture is from the influential and controversial movie Harold and Maude. The movie is a very quirky comedy about an older woman and a much younger boy(putting today's cougar's to shame) falling in love. I've never seen the movie, but from what I hear, it's an excellent story of true love. 

This post stems from a conversation I had with my dad on his birthday this past Monday. My dad and I talk often, but it usually is without much substance and centers more on housekeeping (car, job, etc). But this time I decided to let him rant and rave a little more and he got on the topic of love. My dad and my stepmom, I do believe, are in love. However, it is not the storybook love that you see in movies or some of the more romantic couples you know(my maternal grandparents for instance). I asked him if he loved her and he adamantly said yes and proceeded to define love. He told me assuredly that love is not something you fall into, but something you grow into. Love is not romance or spontaneity or lust, but a mutual dependency on each other.

Now, while I still have a lot to learn(as he makes sure to tell me every time we talk), I did not really agree with this. While I think dependency is important in a relationship, I don't think that defines love. For me, anyways. And when I started talking to him about it, I started realizing what I think love is. It's the sharing of a mutual definition of love. My dad and my stepmom, while neither is romantic or cares for it, really value dependency on the other. It seems to be the biggest factor keeping them together and they do seem happy. Now exactly how I define love is a little bit tricky, but I do have a little experience to base it on. 

The only girl that grabbed my heart was someone that challenged me. I am very firm in my beliefs, because I take a lot of time to go over them and don't jump to conclusions, but she always made me reconsider them. I don't know how she did it, if she lowered my defenses somehow or what, but she always made me think differently. This is completely consistent with what I value - constant growth and understanding. I think it is important for everyone(but me most importantly, because I do not wish to push my agenda on others) to constantly challenge themselves to grow. She did that to me, and I fell for it.

Now while nothing has ever really developed with her, I realized that is what drove me to her. She challenged me, she made me want to be better, to keep learning and to hear new ideas. I never knew before what it was that I wanted in a girl most, but now I feel like I do. And I think a girl will fall in love with me if she is looking to be challenged, because that is what I do with people that I love.

For you, it might be the romance. You might want to be constantly reminded in new and exciting ways how much your significant other loves you. Or you might fall for someone because they accept you for exactly who you are, no matter what you do, and they will always support you. Whatever it is, be it a shared obsession for plush toys or dependency, I feel that it has to be mutual. Your definition of love needs to match theirs, and then everything else can be forgotten.

I don't think hobbies or experiences, backgrounds or families should make a difference. It's personalities that determine how well two people work together, and the definitions are formulated through those personalities. There are probably some of you discounting my effort of defining love, that that kind of mystic attraction cannot be justified with words, but maybe that's your definition, so look for someone like that.

I likely have no idea what I am talking about. But I do know that those that I have talked to that are truly in love seem to have similar definitions of what love is. It's a trend, and my scientific side picked up on it and decided to make it a theorem. I apologize for "de-romancing" love for you, but remember, I felt it before, and I know it's not the easiest thing to understand. All of this can be garbage to me too on a given day, but this might help some of you with broken hearts. My ambitious side sure hopes so.

The Good Die Young...

I stumbled upon this specific picture by accident. I initially searched James Dean because he is one of the more famous examples of my title, but I didn't realize, as evidence of the quote, he lived the message I intend to deliver.

I am part of a committee at my job that is trying to put together an event for graduating high school seniors to be recognized for their accomplishments and also send them off to their next steps with some pride in hand. Part of the event is going to be a meet and greet, where various professionals will be there to meet the students and talk to them about their journeys, share their advice, hopefully even inspire them. I came up with the idea to invite Mark Walker, a man that came to my high school back in September. And before I continue with the present issue, let me tell you about how I met him.

Mark Walker walked into the office and immediately made an impression. He was about 6'5", 250 lbs, had a deep and aggressive voice and a firm handshake. He asked where we were going, I told him the art room, and he led the way. The man made a fast impression. He knew what he wanted to do and didn't really need help doing it. I was curious as to what could make a man this way. He would soon tell me.

We got into the art room and around 30 kids were in there, juniors and seniors, all loud and disorderly deficient of attention, and he started setting up his presentation, not bothering with getting their attention until he was ready for it. Once he had everything ready, he clapped his hands and if that didn't get everyone's attention, his voice sure did.

"What is it that you love to do?" He asked to nobody in particular. A few people raised their hands. "Design cars," one boy said. "Make dresses," said another girl. "Produce music," came a third voice. 

"Great," he said. "And what do you plan on doing after college," he followed, to the three people that responded.

"Be a doctor," said the first boy. "Be a nurse," said the girl. "Work in business," said the last boy. He had them right where we wanted them.

"Why in the hell would you do something other than you love?" he demanded. People's eyes got big, not at the use of "hell," but at his forwardness. The guy just started, and already he was grilling them. But before the discomfort kicked in, he explained. 

"If you love to do something, you're probably good at it right?" Heads nodded. "And if you're good at it, you can probably get better at it, right?" Heads nodded again. "And if you can get better at it, you can eventually be the best at it, right?" Still, heads nodded, not sure where he was going. "Okay, then if you are the best at something, you can get paid however much you want to do that. So my advice, do what you love." The kids stared in shock at the simple logic of a claim they had before never given any credence to. Hell, I was even questioning my path, and it was five minutes in.

He proceeded with his story. He started as a job recruiter, hired by companies to hire their employees. He was good at it, damn good he assured us, and he got paid good. In fact, he was so good, that his boss let him name his own salary. So yeah, I guess "damn good" sounds about right. He did this for years, started a family from the profits, and in the height of his career, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer(lymphoma I believe). The doctor gave him a few months but as the time started ticking away, he started fighting, and eventually he fought through it, and the cancer went into remission. 

After that, he started doing what he loved, combined with what he knew. He became a chef instructor at The Art Institute of Cincinnati, and also was a recruiter, which is what brought him to our school. His old boss told him he could pick up right where he left off, but as he was laying in his hospital bed he swore to himself that when he made it through this, he would no longer waste his time doing something he didn't love. And that's exactly what he did. He started a new, far less paying, job at The Art Institute, and he loved it. He made that part clear, not through discourse, but through nonverbal communication. His passion was so clear that you were invested in what he was doing, not what he was saying. You wanted to feel like he did as he spoke to us. It was incredible.

At the end he made crepes with strawberry rhubarb preserves in the middle. Sure enough, he was a pro. As the kids left, my work partner and I approached him and started telling him how much better of a speaker he was than every other school's representative. He laughed and said "Well those other recruiters must not love what they're doing." And it was that simple. He continued to talk and we tried to organize a future return trip for him. He gave us his card as he left, wishing us his best, and we fully intended on bringing him back to a bigger audience. 

I never got around to doing so, because of getting busy here and there, until the idea struck me during the last meeting with the Senior Salute committee. This would be perfect for him. To present the idea, I decided to research him so I could give my committee members an idea of who he was. The first link on Google was, to my shock, his obituary. He died in November, less than two months after I had seen him passionately making crepes and talking to growing children. It almost brought me to tears. 

I'm not going to rant about how unfair it is that someone so beneficial to this world could be taken so young(he was only 48) or how someone's second chance was taken from them before they even got to start it. Instead, I'm going to think about how he would feel if he were here to convey it.

In my mind, he wouldn't be mad. He got to do something so few of us do. When he died, he was doing what he loved. It may have only been for a couple years, but he found it, and he was doing it, and he would never replace those five years with anything. Sure, I don't doubt he would love to come back and continue his work, but that simply wasn't in the cards for him. Instead, he was taken young, like James Dean, but he lived as he would die tomorrow because he knew that was entirely possible. I don't know if that's how he would feel, death may change you in the afterlife(if one exists) but I know he would never regret his decision to start working at The Art Institute. It was what he loved.

So to all of you, make sure to do what you love. Not just because it's what makes you happy, but because it also covers all of those other factors like money that we foolishly worry about. Our journey here is not long, but it can be eventful if you let it. Live today like you'll die tomorrow, and if you don't die tomorrow, treat it the same as you did today. 

Attn Grandma: This is not the topic I promised you. This caught me off guard and I had to write about it. I'll write about the one I promised you tomorrow.

It's the Little Victories...

While the picture stands in contrast to the title, Tiger's reaction looks more appropriate for sinking an eagle at the U.S. Open, I couldn't help but use this enthusiastic fist pump when I saw it. Besides, we all could use a little celebration for our victories, big or small.

If you do not know, I work in an inner-city high school in Cincinnati as a College Access Advisor. My job is to manage a caseload of juniors and seniors and help them prepare for college. When I first got here, one of the largest challenges was this one girl. She wanted out of my program, stating that she didn't want to go to college and thought that she was taking a spot from other students. My partner and I assured her that she wasn't, but she wouldn't listen, and with that, we had lost a student to what surely would be a difficult life ahead.

We proceeded, on the surface undeterred, but feeling really upset at how a student could be raised in an environment that would allow a student to feel this way. It was really depressing, and it was the first time we had seen disappointment and sensed failure since starting the job. We have since encountered plenty of both of these since the incident with that girl, and have subsequently grown numb to it.

That isn't to say we haven't had our share of victories in the job. There are students that everyday come up to us and tell us the progress they have made; students that have gone on their own and applied for scholarships. There are plenty of things to smile about, especially with the addition of a "College Acceptance Letter Wall" in the cafeteria. Kids are proudly asking us to post copies of their letters on the board and the fever is spreading. We're getting letters from kids we have never met who want to be included and we gladly do.

But for each time we put one of these up, it stands in stark contrast to the kids who are looking at the wall longingly, not with pride. I want to celebrate each letter I get like I really mean it, but as soon as the kid walks away smiling, I feel like they are an exception. There are dozens of students still waiting, or not even trying, like the girl from the beginning of the year. It's easy to get defeated when thinking like that, but that kind of thought is hard to avoid.

Yesterday, as often happens, our guidance counselor handed us a few letters to make copies of and hang. Business as usual. That was until we looked through them and noticed one from Cincinnati St. telling that same girl from the beginning that she had been accepted! Are you effin kidding me?!?! My partner was more animated with her joy but internally I was so happy. I allowed a little smile to escape but couldn't help still feel a little worried. I thought maybe she had just done it to do it and it didn't mean anything. But when I saw the girl I congratulated her and she said thank you. That was normal, but the smile she was wearing was not. As my partner and I walked away grinning, my partner said "I am finally feeling like we actually make a difference." And she was right. It was amazing to see someone figure out what they need to do and I feel like our messages in the beginning might have made a difference. They may not have, but I know she heard our message and we now have results. It felt good.

Even though it was like all of the others, just one kid in a mess of others still waiting to be accepted, she was different. She overcame some serious doubt and I knew that anyone could do that after seeing her do so. Even though it was a little victory in terms of numbers, its significance was much greater, and that is cause for celebration.

Celebrate the little victories, because they are what lead to the ultimate triumphs. 

Scathing Reports Aren't Always Destructive

You know that feeling when someone asks you what you think? Not one of those half-assed efforts that people say because you're equals or because they feel they should. But when they actually look at you, open their eyes and ears, and ask you "Hey, I want to hear what you have to say about this." It can be a pretty good feeling in a lot of cases, having your input matter, because most of the things we are involved in we care about and have feelings about them. But you know when that question is even more enjoyable? It's when someone asks what you think about something that you think of truly negatively. Oh boy, does that feel good.

If given the opportunity to fill out a survey or speak with someone who could hear my opinion, I would jump at the bit. Man, oh man, you have no idea how excited I got about this. I have ranting in private about my work for ages now but haven't been able to quit because of it's importance to the next steps I will be taking. I have told coworkers, families, friends, even some people I don't know whose day seems bad but gets better when they here about the hoops I have to jump through to stay afloat at work. And finally, after a long, long time of keeping my feelings from the people who need to hear the frustration so that they can make a difference, I could finally get the opportunity.

I would go into the survey with a menacing grin as I reiterate the past verbal tirades into paper, where I am able to compose my thoughts and make the complaints better spoken and more organized. I would give unsatisfactory marks everywhere that they needed to be seen so that the right people would become known. My report would probably drop the jaws of those reviewing it, unaware that everything isn't so peachy in the workplace. I would do this, while admittedly getting some sick satisfaction, not for myself, but for those my complaints concern.

My point that I am making is honesty: that transparency with work, friendships, groups, etc. is incredibly important in the improvement and eventual success of that relationship. This ties into my last post, about working cohesively with a partner, and the reason we do so well is because of this transparency. It needs to be universal. 

What you might be thinking is that me not doing so to people's faces, gossiping and complaining behind the backs of the people whom are my subjects, is cowardly or maybe even hypocritical. And really, you have a point. I would love to be the guy from Office Space who, when given the opportunity to say what he wants to his employers faces, tears them apart from head to toe and gets rewarded for his candor. That would be wonderful, Unfortunately, that was a movie. Things wouldn't work out for me like that with this job, and you'll just have to trust me on this one.

No, a private, anonymous survey would be the way for me to go about this. Now, I would take the approach differently if it were a friendship, as I have done with a coworker, but that's a different situation. If you feel like you have to tell someone that they are bothering you with what they are doing, make sure you do it in the right way.

In my job's case, I feel like an anonymous, indirect report would benefit the most. The message that I would deliver would encompass everyone, making people evaluate what they are doing and if they are doing it the best way. Because my audience would be a group of people, naming names would only point a blistering spotlight at that person and likely cause defensiveness. Rather, I would leave it open, because it is the best way for me to convey my message, which is not to relieve myself of stress but to inform my audience of what I think needs changed.

But know this, sometimes these messages can be far more beneficial when said in a scathing manner. Often the polite suggestions with no apparent weight will go unnoticed while ones that really attack an issue will spring people into action. And don't you feel like that is owed to your friends, yourself, everyone? I do. If I am not doing something in the best way that I can, I would want to know. Even if I choose not to make the improvements, at least I am aware, and that's the most important part. The point of a scathing report is not to degrade, disrespect, avenge, anger, offend, bother, haunt, hurt, or destroy. The point is to make someone aware that what they are doing doesn't stand well with someone who cares enough to tell them. That in itself is special, and will often result in respect, rather than offense. 

Do yourself and your audience a favor, do not be afraid to speak your mind:  our minds are far more intelligent than our mouths, except for when we tell it not to say what we think.

There's Nowhere to Run...in an Office

The office friendship always carries with it an interesting dynamic: you and your coworker share a common goal, but that may be it. For some of you, forging friendships at work may not be difficult, in fact it may be necessary for you to get by because you don't function well by yourself. For some others, you may choose to just keep to yourself and work only on the task at hand, ignoring any advances by people looking to buddy up and small-talk. We all probably know examples of both of these types. While I think the first one can operate better in a working environment, sometimes coming on too strong can be off-putting. All that said, there is one thing that needs to be remembered, which I will address later.

One of my jobs requires me to work very closely with another person, in terms of physical space and overlapping tasks. We can't really work independently of one another because our overall goal is the same and the steps one takes directly effect the other. Often, the steps are exactly the same, so there can be no disconnect between the two of us. Right now, I know it sounds like I'm building up to a huge "but," but I'm really not. Do we work well together? It seems our supervisor considers us to be the strongest pair out of the 7 pairs of her employees that work together. However, if you knew us, you might be shocked to hear that.

We have very little in common. Her piety stands in stark contrast to my non-theism. She's very mild-mannered while I can be blunt and abrasive. We have very few similar hobbies, differing tastes in movies and music, and we are of different race. I know all of that doesn't matter, and that's the point that I am making. What makes us function so well together is we both understand what is required of us to perform our job: we need to cooperate. 

There have been countless times where one of us has gotten on the nerves of the other because of simple personality differences, but instead of letting those accumulate, we let the other know. She got me to stop cursing the first day we worked together, and very rarely have I let any profanities slip since then. I let her know when she bothers me and she does what she can to adjust that. It's all done because we understand that it is necessary. 

I know that for a lot of you, you're probably thinking about that one person that you cannot stand. You look at them and nearly gag at the thought of making friends, but that's not the goal. All you need to do is agree that by working together you will accomplish more than when working alone. And every time that person from now on bothers you just remember that you're not trying to make friends with them, and that attempting to understand them is worthless. Just ignore their misstep and chug along. But if you're in a situation similar to the picture posted above, you may want to start drafting up a resume.