The Good Die Young...

I stumbled upon this specific picture by accident. I initially searched James Dean because he is one of the more famous examples of my title, but I didn't realize, as evidence of the quote, he lived the message I intend to deliver.

I am part of a committee at my job that is trying to put together an event for graduating high school seniors to be recognized for their accomplishments and also send them off to their next steps with some pride in hand. Part of the event is going to be a meet and greet, where various professionals will be there to meet the students and talk to them about their journeys, share their advice, hopefully even inspire them. I came up with the idea to invite Mark Walker, a man that came to my high school back in September. And before I continue with the present issue, let me tell you about how I met him.

Mark Walker walked into the office and immediately made an impression. He was about 6'5", 250 lbs, had a deep and aggressive voice and a firm handshake. He asked where we were going, I told him the art room, and he led the way. The man made a fast impression. He knew what he wanted to do and didn't really need help doing it. I was curious as to what could make a man this way. He would soon tell me.

We got into the art room and around 30 kids were in there, juniors and seniors, all loud and disorderly deficient of attention, and he started setting up his presentation, not bothering with getting their attention until he was ready for it. Once he had everything ready, he clapped his hands and if that didn't get everyone's attention, his voice sure did.

"What is it that you love to do?" He asked to nobody in particular. A few people raised their hands. "Design cars," one boy said. "Make dresses," said another girl. "Produce music," came a third voice. 

"Great," he said. "And what do you plan on doing after college," he followed, to the three people that responded.

"Be a doctor," said the first boy. "Be a nurse," said the girl. "Work in business," said the last boy. He had them right where we wanted them.

"Why in the hell would you do something other than you love?" he demanded. People's eyes got big, not at the use of "hell," but at his forwardness. The guy just started, and already he was grilling them. But before the discomfort kicked in, he explained. 

"If you love to do something, you're probably good at it right?" Heads nodded. "And if you're good at it, you can probably get better at it, right?" Heads nodded again. "And if you can get better at it, you can eventually be the best at it, right?" Still, heads nodded, not sure where he was going. "Okay, then if you are the best at something, you can get paid however much you want to do that. So my advice, do what you love." The kids stared in shock at the simple logic of a claim they had before never given any credence to. Hell, I was even questioning my path, and it was five minutes in.

He proceeded with his story. He started as a job recruiter, hired by companies to hire their employees. He was good at it, damn good he assured us, and he got paid good. In fact, he was so good, that his boss let him name his own salary. So yeah, I guess "damn good" sounds about right. He did this for years, started a family from the profits, and in the height of his career, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer(lymphoma I believe). The doctor gave him a few months but as the time started ticking away, he started fighting, and eventually he fought through it, and the cancer went into remission. 

After that, he started doing what he loved, combined with what he knew. He became a chef instructor at The Art Institute of Cincinnati, and also was a recruiter, which is what brought him to our school. His old boss told him he could pick up right where he left off, but as he was laying in his hospital bed he swore to himself that when he made it through this, he would no longer waste his time doing something he didn't love. And that's exactly what he did. He started a new, far less paying, job at The Art Institute, and he loved it. He made that part clear, not through discourse, but through nonverbal communication. His passion was so clear that you were invested in what he was doing, not what he was saying. You wanted to feel like he did as he spoke to us. It was incredible.

At the end he made crepes with strawberry rhubarb preserves in the middle. Sure enough, he was a pro. As the kids left, my work partner and I approached him and started telling him how much better of a speaker he was than every other school's representative. He laughed and said "Well those other recruiters must not love what they're doing." And it was that simple. He continued to talk and we tried to organize a future return trip for him. He gave us his card as he left, wishing us his best, and we fully intended on bringing him back to a bigger audience. 

I never got around to doing so, because of getting busy here and there, until the idea struck me during the last meeting with the Senior Salute committee. This would be perfect for him. To present the idea, I decided to research him so I could give my committee members an idea of who he was. The first link on Google was, to my shock, his obituary. He died in November, less than two months after I had seen him passionately making crepes and talking to growing children. It almost brought me to tears. 

I'm not going to rant about how unfair it is that someone so beneficial to this world could be taken so young(he was only 48) or how someone's second chance was taken from them before they even got to start it. Instead, I'm going to think about how he would feel if he were here to convey it.

In my mind, he wouldn't be mad. He got to do something so few of us do. When he died, he was doing what he loved. It may have only been for a couple years, but he found it, and he was doing it, and he would never replace those five years with anything. Sure, I don't doubt he would love to come back and continue his work, but that simply wasn't in the cards for him. Instead, he was taken young, like James Dean, but he lived as he would die tomorrow because he knew that was entirely possible. I don't know if that's how he would feel, death may change you in the afterlife(if one exists) but I know he would never regret his decision to start working at The Art Institute. It was what he loved.

So to all of you, make sure to do what you love. Not just because it's what makes you happy, but because it also covers all of those other factors like money that we foolishly worry about. Our journey here is not long, but it can be eventful if you let it. Live today like you'll die tomorrow, and if you don't die tomorrow, treat it the same as you did today. 

Attn Grandma: This is not the topic I promised you. This caught me off guard and I had to write about it. I'll write about the one I promised you tomorrow.

It's the Little Victories...

While the picture stands in contrast to the title, Tiger's reaction looks more appropriate for sinking an eagle at the U.S. Open, I couldn't help but use this enthusiastic fist pump when I saw it. Besides, we all could use a little celebration for our victories, big or small.

If you do not know, I work in an inner-city high school in Cincinnati as a College Access Advisor. My job is to manage a caseload of juniors and seniors and help them prepare for college. When I first got here, one of the largest challenges was this one girl. She wanted out of my program, stating that she didn't want to go to college and thought that she was taking a spot from other students. My partner and I assured her that she wasn't, but she wouldn't listen, and with that, we had lost a student to what surely would be a difficult life ahead.

We proceeded, on the surface undeterred, but feeling really upset at how a student could be raised in an environment that would allow a student to feel this way. It was really depressing, and it was the first time we had seen disappointment and sensed failure since starting the job. We have since encountered plenty of both of these since the incident with that girl, and have subsequently grown numb to it.

That isn't to say we haven't had our share of victories in the job. There are students that everyday come up to us and tell us the progress they have made; students that have gone on their own and applied for scholarships. There are plenty of things to smile about, especially with the addition of a "College Acceptance Letter Wall" in the cafeteria. Kids are proudly asking us to post copies of their letters on the board and the fever is spreading. We're getting letters from kids we have never met who want to be included and we gladly do.

But for each time we put one of these up, it stands in stark contrast to the kids who are looking at the wall longingly, not with pride. I want to celebrate each letter I get like I really mean it, but as soon as the kid walks away smiling, I feel like they are an exception. There are dozens of students still waiting, or not even trying, like the girl from the beginning of the year. It's easy to get defeated when thinking like that, but that kind of thought is hard to avoid.

Yesterday, as often happens, our guidance counselor handed us a few letters to make copies of and hang. Business as usual. That was until we looked through them and noticed one from Cincinnati St. telling that same girl from the beginning that she had been accepted! Are you effin kidding me?!?! My partner was more animated with her joy but internally I was so happy. I allowed a little smile to escape but couldn't help still feel a little worried. I thought maybe she had just done it to do it and it didn't mean anything. But when I saw the girl I congratulated her and she said thank you. That was normal, but the smile she was wearing was not. As my partner and I walked away grinning, my partner said "I am finally feeling like we actually make a difference." And she was right. It was amazing to see someone figure out what they need to do and I feel like our messages in the beginning might have made a difference. They may not have, but I know she heard our message and we now have results. It felt good.

Even though it was like all of the others, just one kid in a mess of others still waiting to be accepted, she was different. She overcame some serious doubt and I knew that anyone could do that after seeing her do so. Even though it was a little victory in terms of numbers, its significance was much greater, and that is cause for celebration.

Celebrate the little victories, because they are what lead to the ultimate triumphs. 

Scathing Reports Aren't Always Destructive

You know that feeling when someone asks you what you think? Not one of those half-assed efforts that people say because you're equals or because they feel they should. But when they actually look at you, open their eyes and ears, and ask you "Hey, I want to hear what you have to say about this." It can be a pretty good feeling in a lot of cases, having your input matter, because most of the things we are involved in we care about and have feelings about them. But you know when that question is even more enjoyable? It's when someone asks what you think about something that you think of truly negatively. Oh boy, does that feel good.

If given the opportunity to fill out a survey or speak with someone who could hear my opinion, I would jump at the bit. Man, oh man, you have no idea how excited I got about this. I have ranting in private about my work for ages now but haven't been able to quit because of it's importance to the next steps I will be taking. I have told coworkers, families, friends, even some people I don't know whose day seems bad but gets better when they here about the hoops I have to jump through to stay afloat at work. And finally, after a long, long time of keeping my feelings from the people who need to hear the frustration so that they can make a difference, I could finally get the opportunity.

I would go into the survey with a menacing grin as I reiterate the past verbal tirades into paper, where I am able to compose my thoughts and make the complaints better spoken and more organized. I would give unsatisfactory marks everywhere that they needed to be seen so that the right people would become known. My report would probably drop the jaws of those reviewing it, unaware that everything isn't so peachy in the workplace. I would do this, while admittedly getting some sick satisfaction, not for myself, but for those my complaints concern.

My point that I am making is honesty: that transparency with work, friendships, groups, etc. is incredibly important in the improvement and eventual success of that relationship. This ties into my last post, about working cohesively with a partner, and the reason we do so well is because of this transparency. It needs to be universal. 

What you might be thinking is that me not doing so to people's faces, gossiping and complaining behind the backs of the people whom are my subjects, is cowardly or maybe even hypocritical. And really, you have a point. I would love to be the guy from Office Space who, when given the opportunity to say what he wants to his employers faces, tears them apart from head to toe and gets rewarded for his candor. That would be wonderful, Unfortunately, that was a movie. Things wouldn't work out for me like that with this job, and you'll just have to trust me on this one.

No, a private, anonymous survey would be the way for me to go about this. Now, I would take the approach differently if it were a friendship, as I have done with a coworker, but that's a different situation. If you feel like you have to tell someone that they are bothering you with what they are doing, make sure you do it in the right way.

In my job's case, I feel like an anonymous, indirect report would benefit the most. The message that I would deliver would encompass everyone, making people evaluate what they are doing and if they are doing it the best way. Because my audience would be a group of people, naming names would only point a blistering spotlight at that person and likely cause defensiveness. Rather, I would leave it open, because it is the best way for me to convey my message, which is not to relieve myself of stress but to inform my audience of what I think needs changed.

But know this, sometimes these messages can be far more beneficial when said in a scathing manner. Often the polite suggestions with no apparent weight will go unnoticed while ones that really attack an issue will spring people into action. And don't you feel like that is owed to your friends, yourself, everyone? I do. If I am not doing something in the best way that I can, I would want to know. Even if I choose not to make the improvements, at least I am aware, and that's the most important part. The point of a scathing report is not to degrade, disrespect, avenge, anger, offend, bother, haunt, hurt, or destroy. The point is to make someone aware that what they are doing doesn't stand well with someone who cares enough to tell them. That in itself is special, and will often result in respect, rather than offense. 

Do yourself and your audience a favor, do not be afraid to speak your mind:  our minds are far more intelligent than our mouths, except for when we tell it not to say what we think.

There's Nowhere to Run...in an Office

The office friendship always carries with it an interesting dynamic: you and your coworker share a common goal, but that may be it. For some of you, forging friendships at work may not be difficult, in fact it may be necessary for you to get by because you don't function well by yourself. For some others, you may choose to just keep to yourself and work only on the task at hand, ignoring any advances by people looking to buddy up and small-talk. We all probably know examples of both of these types. While I think the first one can operate better in a working environment, sometimes coming on too strong can be off-putting. All that said, there is one thing that needs to be remembered, which I will address later.

One of my jobs requires me to work very closely with another person, in terms of physical space and overlapping tasks. We can't really work independently of one another because our overall goal is the same and the steps one takes directly effect the other. Often, the steps are exactly the same, so there can be no disconnect between the two of us. Right now, I know it sounds like I'm building up to a huge "but," but I'm really not. Do we work well together? It seems our supervisor considers us to be the strongest pair out of the 7 pairs of her employees that work together. However, if you knew us, you might be shocked to hear that.

We have very little in common. Her piety stands in stark contrast to my non-theism. She's very mild-mannered while I can be blunt and abrasive. We have very few similar hobbies, differing tastes in movies and music, and we are of different race. I know all of that doesn't matter, and that's the point that I am making. What makes us function so well together is we both understand what is required of us to perform our job: we need to cooperate. 

There have been countless times where one of us has gotten on the nerves of the other because of simple personality differences, but instead of letting those accumulate, we let the other know. She got me to stop cursing the first day we worked together, and very rarely have I let any profanities slip since then. I let her know when she bothers me and she does what she can to adjust that. It's all done because we understand that it is necessary. 

I know that for a lot of you, you're probably thinking about that one person that you cannot stand. You look at them and nearly gag at the thought of making friends, but that's not the goal. All you need to do is agree that by working together you will accomplish more than when working alone. And every time that person from now on bothers you just remember that you're not trying to make friends with them, and that attempting to understand them is worthless. Just ignore their misstep and chug along. But if you're in a situation similar to the picture posted above, you may want to start drafting up a resume.

We Should All Be Foreigners, Even in Our Homeland

This will continue to be a recurring theme for me, as is any passion for any person, but mine is more of a principal than a hobby. However, that does not make it any less easy to talk about, but it is much harder to do than playing a video game or reading a novel(although some cases of each of these seem impossible).  

Yesterday I did as 110 million other people did, watched the greatest sporting tradition in the United States, the Super Bowl. While American football is my favorite sport to watch and I am one of those people that can find interest in a game simply because I am a fan of those that display a command of the game, I was not really that interested yesterday. Unfortunately, it felt like a major letdown because there was no ounce of novelty to the game for me. Well, while there was no novelty on the TV, there was plenty in the audience with whom I was watching.

At my friend house, there was an incredible array of people, and Americans were actually the minority. The Americans, my friends, have made friends as they always do with the latest batch of Europeans that come to study at my Alma mater. Last year, it was a group of French and Moroccan people. This year there are French, Norwegian, Austrian, and Spanish. They are all unique, with different accents and humors and interests, but they all share one thing, the desire to learn. Despite the fact that nearly all of them have an admirable handle of their second or even third language, English, and some of them have been here in the past for entire school years, they all treated the experience as a privilege. Now I am not going to preach about taking advantage of our capacity to travel and move from place to place with ease because other countries do not have this, but I want to highlight their attitude and how we can embrace it.

I have made it my personal goal to go into every interaction with the intent to learn something new. While it does not matter what exactly it is that I learn, either some new outlook on life or simply my conversation partner's favorite movie, I want to learn something. This will result in a couple of different things. One, you create an opportunity for a friendship. Genuine interest in what your conversational counterpart says will nearly always be greeted warmly(unless it is nosey and too personal for some people).  We as humans are programmed to talk about who we are and what we know, so when someone asks about these broad topics, we find no shortage of things to share. Remember when this happens to allow yourself to hear the other person talk too. But either way, I think listening is a dying trend, and when someone asks questions based on curiosity rather than polite social obligation, it is refreshing and automatically puts that person in a good position to make friends.

Secondly, the desire to learn something out of every interaction will result in just that: learning something. And while I do value self-esteem and being proud of who you are, I think it is foolish for us not to explore our potential and to grow by absorbing as much as we can. Maybe this is ignorant, and I am promoting an approach to becoming too similar to everyone else. Some of you may think this would result in people being the same and we would lose diversity and culture and the thrill of being different. I don't think that is the case. While I can mostly control what I put on the surface, I cannot deny that I have a unique personality. If our cultures, likes and dislikes, hobbies and so on become the same, I still can't see our personalities changing outside of being open-minded, but what else would you rather be? I think each interaction is an opportunity to grow, and to not take advantage of this would be a waste. I think we are all capable of this, but most don't realize, and I want you to.

So in regards to my title, I think we need to promote a sense of curiosity, a desire to learn. Since I have adopted this attitude, I consider myself to have grown by leaps and bounds as a person, despite my environment remaining mostly the same. Even though we are familiar with our general surroundings, there is always something hidden, waiting to be uncovered. This could be a history, an attitude, an idea, a motivation, a story, anything. All of these are not on the surface but when discovered can tell you much more about what you're looking at than what you initially saw. 

Think about it like you're looking at a painting. For those of you who are not aficionados, you are probably like me when looking at a painting and turn your head in confusion, and walk away...WAIT! The fact you don't understand it is a good thing: if we looked at things we understood all the time, we would never grow. Instead of walking away, try to figure out why this person painted, say, a partially open door. You could ask someone at the exhibit and figure it out, but this will may just explain the painting in a literal way or even a philosophical way. And you can learn from this answer, but you didn't really challenge yourself by just asking for the answer. Instead, start asking yourself questions. Was it a reflection of their mood at the time? Do they view it as a philosophy on life? Is it the door their long-time lover walked out of one early morning, the last time the artist ever saw them? You won't likely figure out exactly why the artist painted the open door, but you might discover why YOU would paint an open door. 

I understand that the example I just gave probably isn't the type of learning you were expecting, but I think before we can understand someone or something else, we have to understand ourselves first. Understanding the other side comes later. 

So, do you get my message? Basically, I just want us all to learn, no matter where we are. Every day is different and everyone we know changes, so treating it all like it's repetitive is a mistake and a blown opportunity. While I admit I am not perfect in this, in fact I am far from it, when I am in my purest form of self I feel this way. So think think about it next time you meet someone new. And if that person starts rubbing you the wrong way, instead of dismissing them, think about why they might be that way. Think about how they have a lifetime of developed personality traits and stories contributing to how they are behaving at that exact moment and conversely how they could have caught you on a bad day. I know it seems flimsy, giving everyone unlimited chances, but what can it hurt? Most likely nothing, unless you are trying to sympathize with a closet-murderer who preys on people who are open-minded. What can you gain from it? Potentially a whole hell of a lot, I can promise you that.

Get Your Dancing Shoes On!

It's so easy to get caught up in the moment and get angry: I do it all the time with work, my schedule, money, all that stuff nobody really likes to deal with but we can't avoid it entirely. When we are not in these moments of frustration, it's so convenient to tell yourself to shake them off as they come to you, they don't matter in the big picture, you'll forget about it all tomorrow, and blah blah blah... Well when whatever happens happens, all that crap goes out the window and you start grinding your teeth and you stumble over your words as you helplessly try to offer an explanation for why things are the way they are.

I have a solution. Turn on some music ladies and gents, and let your toes start tappin.

I encountered an issue today that just bothered me so because I could not figure out why it was happening. It was just another episode in a series of frustrations on a certain topic and as I usually do, I stewed about it for a while. I questioned what the reason was, why it was all happening, how could things continue to down this path, etc... And I promise you, I figured nothing out. Instead, I popped in my ear buds, turned on one of my favorite albums to dance to( Cross by Justice) and started dancing. 

I am much more of an animated dancer than most, and typically don't care about my setting, as I pop my chest, rock side to side, and add my own sound-effects. I'm not easy to control once I get some tunes going, but what was amazing was how quickly my frustration dissipated. I still do not know why the situation got to where it did, but frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn... BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO JAM! WOO!!!

No seriously, it's amazing how happy music can make me. I don't know if this works for everyone, but it's a true from of therapy for me. Maybe because of how kinetic it makes me I shake off the frustration or grind it down to a powder light enough to be swept off my by the ventilation system. Whatever the reason is, it doesn't really matter, except that it works. 

So next time you find yourself kneading your forehead in your hands, turn on some music and do it to a rhythm. You will find yourself with a really comic dance move and a brighter view on life for the moment. 

I don't promise results, but I promise it works for me. And we are more or less the same, so the odds are in your favor.

There IS a Reason to Celebrate, To Remember

Today commences the month long celebration of remembering the history of our nation's black community: their struggles, their triumphs, and how the country could be different today if it weren't for some amazing people in our past. It is a time for African-Americans to stand up and be proud of who they are, what their people were subjected to and how they overcame it. It is also a time to remember those who fell in the battle for Civil Rights and equality, something we were all promised under the constitution of this nation. This is a time to celebrate a battle hat should not have had to been fought, and even in some cases still is fought. This is Black History Month.

It's easy for me to not be bothered by the existence of this month, I don't have a racist bone in my body, but for some people who feel they are the same way it's not so easy to turn their cheek and allow the celebration. I have heard several comments from well-mannered people that I consider good friends that are spiteful, even blatant racist generalizations that just shock me when I hear them. You hear things like "why do they get so excited" and "I hate when black people rave about Black History Month," and "why do they get a month?" I can understand these questions, because I know everyone has a story and their reactions are a deeply rooted in their history and long-formed attitudes, however, I cannot agree with them. I believe this month is justified, even deserved.

What African-Americans, who have had a presence in this land nearly as long as us white folk, were subjected to in this country for hundreds of years is appalling. They were slaves while living in a nation whose mantra posited that they should have been neighbors. They were killed, mocked, ridiculed, beaten, cursed, humiliated, abused, tortured, embarrassed, even spat on. People spat on them because of the color of their skin. What an insulting action, and to forget that that was a frequent phenomenon is a very difficult undertaking. The Black community of this country were truly subjected to the most horrific discrimination for centuries. And then in the 60s, that changed. Well, for the most part.

To state that racism is non-existent is simply dumb, and most people don't argue this. But some people legitimately do believe that Black people are completely equal on all accounts, and in some areas and minds, this is true, but as a whole I do not believe so. This becomes clear to me when I hear things like the quotes I mentioned earlier, from white people who I consider open-minded and progressive. Black people really are still subject to some of the same attitudes as they were before, but the actions against them aren't as frequently executed because of the laws. People will still shy away from them in passing from time to time, assume poverty or lack of education, attribute their bad behavior to a negligent household, and so on. These generalizations are so deeply rooted in our our culture that people don't even realize it is racist. And while there are plenty of examples to support each of these, there are also plenty to refute it.

Now that I have supported Black History Month and its supporters, I have something for the other side too. I know what they mean to address when they make these encompassing generalizations, but I will do it with a lighter foot. Black History Month, for some, is a time to promote their culture and their history as superior. I have seen it treated as an excuse to say and do as they feel because it's almost like a get-out-of-jail-free card. I know this may sound racist, but it's true in some cases. Some people aren't celebrating the equality they had to fight for but rather that they are better. And if you're part of the Black race and don't do this, then I know this may sound like I'm defeating the supportive statements I made earlier, but those generalizations from White people that I mentioned also don't make sense to White people who don't make them. This post isn't for the mild-mannered and understanding, it's for those who abuse their rights and incorrectly define equality. Both races are guilty of this in some instances, but that's not to say Black History Month is bad, or that Whites are racists.

This is not a rant about racism or a demand that Blacks calm their celebrations, this is a request for both sides to recognize the others feelings. For those people who have made generalizations about Blacks and their celebration of this month, realize that you don't know their story. To celebrate this month enthusiastically likely means they have a reason to. I don't see a rational being celebrating something they didn't earn or deserve: meaning they have likely been subjected to plenty of racist treatment, either subtle or not, and feel that now is the time to scream "Say it loud! I'm black and I'm proud!" And if that's the case, it's their right. But my request for the other side - for those African-Americans who treat this month as a time of indirect revenge, for promoting their culture as the better, remember that you are doing exactly what your people fought against. These actions are detrimental to the war that was fought on our soil, and when displayed in the faces of unassuming White people they can create a racist sentiment that wasn't there, further widening the divide that was once in the process of being traversed with a makeshift bridge. Do not allow this bridge to be destroyed.

If I offended any of you, I am sorry. I may have said some things that contradicted themselves and I may have been racist without realizing it. It's part of what makes me human. But I hope you understood my message. Black History Month is a good thing. And like most things intended to be good, like steroids or marijuana, it has been used for bad purposes in some cases. However, all of them are still meant to be good and that needs to be remembered. It's beneficial to our country and a large percentage of it's population, so allow it to be celebrated, and celebrate it as it should be. We are all created equal, let's remember that.